And I've Never Been So alive
by miranduhhh
Summary: After graduation, Cat moves to New York and Beck comes to visit her. While he's there, the two of them come to terms with their feelings for each other but things can only last til the end of the summer. Beck-centric BAT songfic.


**Summer time and the wind is blowing outside**

**in lower Chelsea**

**And I don't know what I'm doing in this city**

**The sun is always in my eyes**

**It crashes through the windows**

**And I'm sleeping on the couch**

**When I came to visit you**

Beck groans. The light crashing through the window covers his face and torso, waking him from his uncomfortable sleep. He's not bothered though, because in a way, the intense light remind of him of Cat. And that reminds him of why he's even sleeping on this lumpy old couch in the first place.

Cat.

It was always a mystery to him why she left California to go to New York. After she graduated, only two months ago in May with the rest of them, she flew away to Chelsea to study music. He never told her that he wished she had had stayed. He doesn't think he needed to. His visiting her must have been some sort of sign, right?

Beck props himself up into a sitting position on the couch, resting his elbows on his knees and running his hands through his dark hair. It's early. Or at least, it must be considering that Cat is still soundly sleeping in her tiny bed. Beck smiles lightly, looking up to survey her apartment properly. There's no doubting that it's Cat's place. The walls are littered with photos from High School, himself and Jade and Andre and Tori and Robbie and Rex, and are painted a bright yellow, with pink curtains pulled to the sides of each window so that every bit of light in the world could be welcomed into her home.

The teen laughs lightly. Very Cat indeed.

From the bedroom, Beck hears Cat stirring in her small bed. He grins and reaches for his shirt, pulling it lazily over his head before rising from the lumpy couch and walking quietly to the kitchen to get her some pink lemonade. She always says, _"It's more happy than regular lemonade." _But then clarifies that she likes regular lemonade too, because she doesn't want to hurt it's feelings. Beck smiles. He wishes he had the simple kindness that Cat did, because maybe he would have still been with Jade.

As he carefully carries the glass to her room, he changes his mind and decides that he wishes to have her kindness still, but not to have Jade back. It's been six months since their break up and he's actually happier than he has been in a long time. And it gives him this opportunity to visit with Cat, without worrying what Jade will think when she finds out.

Quietly, Beck sets the glass on her night stand and sits and her bed, watching her sleepily rub her eyes and admiring the way her bright red hair is shining in the sunlight against the bright yellow of her bed sheets. She blinks rapidly and looks up at him, her big, brown eyes smiling as she does. Quickly she spring herself on him, her small frame bursting from it's position laying on the bed so that she could embrace him in a tight hug. Beck jumps a bit, but wraps his arms around her gently and hugs her back, slightly saddened when she lets go of him and their embrace has to end. That's when it clicks.

**That's when I knew**

**That I could never have you**

**I knew that before you did**

**Still I'm the one who's stupid**

**And there's this burning**

**Like there's always been**

**I've never been so alone**

**And I've**

**Never been so alive**

He sits back and asks her how she slept and she beams brightly at him, going off about some dream she had about him being there with her and them going on an adventure where he takes her to a rocket ship and they fly around in outer space looking at stars and planets and nebulas. She says something about trouble going on, but Beck's too busy watching her speak. She's so vibrant, even for just waking up that it kills him and he doesn't understand why he never saw it before.

Cat's beautiful. With her hair as bright as her personality and her smile never fading. He swears she was smiling in her sleep before he woke her up.

Cat finishes her story by saying, _"But it was okay in the end because you saved me from the aliens and the asteroids and we got our ship back and were happy and floating around in the stars forever. Isn't that neat, Becky?" _And there it is. Her nickname for him from so long ago, Beck doesn't really remember when she started calling him that. And though that's the thing stuck on his mind, the eighteen year old doesn't comment on it.

Instead, he smiles at her and says, _"That sounds perfect, Cat." _Wishing he had a nice nickname for her like she did for him. Cat grins back at him anyhow, not caring really what he calls her simply because she's glad he's there. To her, that's all that matters.

She wastes no time jumping out of bed and bouncing –there is no other way to describe how Cat moves—towards the kitchen to make them breakfast. She doesn't have much because she can hardly afford to live in the tiny one bedroom apartment but she had cereal. Bright, colorful and fruity cereal with some plastic bowls for them to eat it from and some milk to make it taste good. Together, they eat happily and Beck wonders what Cat Valentine is thinking about as she eats her breakfast. He's thinking about her and hoping she's thinking about him too but he knows that she's probably not. _"Because to her, I'm just Beck. Cat doesn't think about me anymore than she thinks about puppies and rainbows and cookies." _He decides bitterly.

But he's wrong. Because while Cat does think about puppies and rainbows and cookies, she thinks about Beck too. She thinks about hugging beck and holding his hand and even though it's naughty, she thinks about kissing Beck sometimes, too. _"But Beck doesn't like me like that, he still loves Jade." _She thinks, even though she knows the second part of that isn't true.

When they finish breakfast, Beck wants to do something special with her.

**Visions of you on a motorcycle drive by**

**The cigarette ash flies in your eyes and you don't mind**

**you smile**

**And say the world it doesn't fit with you**

**I don't believe you**

They rent a motorcycle for the day and Beck picks up a pack of cigarettes. He hasn't ridden one of these things in a while but he doubts that Cat has ever been on a bike. So they walk to the lot across the street and he lets her pick the color; sky blue because _"All the other colors seem so sad and this one will make everything happy."_ And she's right. But that doesn't surprise Beck because even when everyone thinks that _"Silly little Cat doesn't know what she's talking about." _He knows that she knows more than everyone else does.

So they ride, her arms slung loosely around his waist and her giggles in his ear sounding more beautiful than a choir of angels (even though he doesn't really believe any other angles exist but Cat). They go out of the city, driving smoothly along winding roads that Beck didn't believe existed in New York and as the two of the cruise, Beck smokes a cigarette because it's making this movie-magic moment that much better. His ashes, bright orange, fly into her eyes and Cat doesn't complain. Instead, she smiles and he can see her dimples in his mirror.

She leans her head on his shoulder and tells him that the world doesn't fit with her. He tells her he doesn't believe her and wonders how it is that he could never hear Jade when she tried to speak to him on their rides in California, but he can hear Cat as clear as day.

Cat tries to explain herself, saying how she feels like everything else is the same around her and no matter where she goes for a change –meaning New York instead of California—she feels like no one understands her or even tries. Beck almost frowns when she says that. Until she adds, _"no one but you, anyhow." _And then he can't stop smiling.

**You're so serene**

**Careening through the universe**

**Your axis on a tilt**

**You're guiltless and free**

**I hope you take a piece of me with you**

They ride for hours until the gas tank is empty and the sun has disappeared. When they finally drop off the bike, Cat is laughing and laughing and Beck doesn't know why but he laughs too.

She takes his hand eagerly and leads him away from the motorcycle rental and away from her apartment and though he doesn't know where they are going, he follows her anyhow; partially because Beck knows that she has a reason for this (whatever _this _is) but mostly because she's holding his hand and he doesn't want her to stop.

When they finally arrive to her destination, Beck is confused and his dark eyes search hers for an explanation. Her eyes just glitter back and she leads him into the abandoned skating rink. With the sun so sunken behind the sky that no light was shed on the building, Beck found himself both shocked and proud when Cat daringly enters the pitch-dark rink with Beck following behind her.

"_Cat," _he whispers into the darkness as the door closed behind them, making a loud snap as it forced itself into place against the warped door frame. He feels her tiny hand squeeze his in a bit of fright at the noise and chuckles lightly when she squeaks into the darkness, drawing her closer to him anyhow. _"What are we doing here?" _he finishes, allowing his eyes to adjust to the darkness.

Cat's quiet for a moment, leading him further into the dark building. When she replies, Beck can't help but smile. _"Have you ever wanted to be in a Castle Beck?" _she asks quietly. Still, her small voice was loud enough to fill the empty building.

Beck thinks for a moment on her question and in the end decides that he couldn't say he has. Cat doesn't mind though, she keeps going.

"_I always wanted to feel like a princess…" _she admits. If only she knew that Beck always sort of though she radiated like one. She continues. _"When I moved up here I found this place and it was like a castle to me, and I know it's kind of silly but I mean, if you close your eyes it's the same." _He watches her walk away and lets her words sink in. She switches on a lamp in the corner of the room and suddenly, everything is illuminated. Beck smiles and for a moment, he can understand why Cat thinks that this place is her castle. The rink is huge, with neon walls around it and black carpet sporting rocket ships and stars that no doubt glow under a black light. Above them are burnt out colored lights and a disco ball and along the walls of the building are seats for everyone to sit who didn't want to skate. Even behind the counter are a few pairs of left over skates. And Beck thinks they should have a skate.

He walks towards her slowly, a smile peaking against his warm lips and his hand extended towards her. Even in the darkness, the tiny bit of light from Cat's lamp makes her hair burn bright and her smile glow. Beck decides that this is the most beautiful Cat has ever looked to him, with her hair still messy from the wind blowing it on the bike and her eye big, trying to catch all the light possible.

She grins at him as she draws closer and he leads her to the skate counter. She doesn't need him to tell her what he's thinking. She knows.

So they take some skates from their respective cubby and lace them onto their feet, before skating off around the wooden floor. Together they roll, faster and faster until everything they see around them is a blur. That is, everything but each other.

Cat's hand never leaves Beck's. She tells him that she's scared to let go because she doesn't want to fall and Beck tells her that he wouldn't ever let that happen to her. Her brilliant smile makes it feel that much more true as he whirls around and around, his long hair blowing past him as they skate for what feels like hours.

By the end of it, they're sprawled out across the middle of the rink, laying in opposite directions with their heads next to each other. He tells Cat that he doesn't remember the last time he had so much fun and she laughs and tells him she knows. And though she says it so light and airily and ever so Cat-like, he knows that she really does know and that he should have let her change that a long time before today. Beck turns to look at her, and not much to his surprise, she's already looking back. He smiles lightly at her and she smiles back. He's not sure what tells him that it's okay but somehow, he finds himself leaning over and kissing her.

All at once it's like Spiderman. He feels like he's hanging by a string and her gentle hands reach up to his face and deepen their kiss, giving him a feeling he hasn't had for a very long time. Not since the first time he kissed Jade. But Beck doesn't care anymore. Not about Jade or New York or California or college. Because right now he's kissing Cat and he thinks he may even love her. And when he pulls away he smiles, not allowing himself to think this can't last when he leaves at the end of the summer to go back to Hollywood. All that matters is right now, and right now, Beck has never been more alive.

**And I never been so alone**

**And I've never been so alive**

* * *

><p><strong>Hey guys, this was my first ever fanfic and I know I know, it's nothing special. But I really adore this pairing of Cat and Beck and have wanted to take my try at it for a while now so I sat down tonight and this is what came out. The song is <strong>Motorcycle Driveby By Third Eye Blind **and it's beautiful so I strongly recommend you guys checking it out. I left out the last part of the song though because it didn't really work with the way I wanted the story to end but really, the song could be a continuation if you wanted. Anyhow, I'm really just looking for feedback on this. I hope you guys like it and if you would please please please comment on this I would be so appreciative. Thanks so much! **

-Miranda


End file.
